Well… no writing so far. It is not that I have not felt like writing: instead, it is that I have felt like not writing. Is that the same thing? Normally, not feeling like writing I see as a non-feeling, so I just sit down and write. Today, I positively did not want to write. So, I suppose it is different.
However, maybe it is not so simple. I am aware – or I believe – that sometimes things need to be left alone for a time to allow the subconscious mind to do a bit of long-term processing on the data, separate from the conscious mind. Well, maybe that is it.
However… I notice a feeling too. A slightly daunted feeling. Now that feeling has ‘procrastination’ written all over it.
You see, I have planned out the next scene, playing the people’s actions and the main protagonist’s thoughts out in my head like I’m there, but instead of wanting to write it out quickly like last time to see it working, this time there’s a feeling of, “let’s not bother,” or “it seems like so much to do,” or something along these lines: I already know it will work. So now the idea is that since I know how it goes, why go to all the effort of writing it? These ideas look to me like my verbal mind playing tricks on me. The old inner demon working against me instead of for me, as per Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Voice Of Knowledge.
Old habits die hard, don’t they? 🙂
OK, I will allow it to pass today. But two days in a row would definitely be procrastination, and that is not going to happen. The inner voice will need to find another excuse for tomorrow. I know from experience that that feeling – being rather daunted, tired, not wanting to bother – has been behind much procrastination in the past; but I am more alert to it these days.
The answer? Don’t think. Sit down and write.
However, today I will rest. I will procrastinate a little. All things have their place. A little leeway, a little sympathy with myself, a gentle pat on the head and a rest can go further than forcing myself against those impulses too strongly. To push too hard would be to invite a counter-reaction. I must enjoy what I am doing. Force is the opposite of that. So I will give myself a break today.